Pueblo Hipster Scene

The cycling community is being invaded by a hipster scene that tends to use the bicycle as an accessory to their "look".  As with most posers, they attempt to camouflage their lack of cycling experience with aesthetic layering.  Here is a list of possible ways to spot the imposters.

Skinny Jeans - (Example) There is no fucking way, that if you ride a bicycle every day, that your thighs would EVER fit into a pair of skinny jeans.  Cyclists don't have baby legs. (Truth)

Chrome bag / Black hoodie - (Example) - Why in the hell would you spend $150 on a bag?  Even a normal, "non-hipster" messenger bag will only cost you $15-$50 at the most.   I know, it wasn't featured on Urban Velo though.  And the outfit wouldn't be complete without a dark black hoodie.  (Truth)

Tattoos / Ear gauges - (Example) - Not 100% accurate, but if and tattoos and ear guages are coupled with a fixed gear, PBR, and a set of keys dangling from their belt that don't serve a purpose, you can calibrate your hipster radar with near 100% accuracy. (Truth)

Hipster glasses / Mustache -  (Example) - Glasses always fog up on winter days, and if you're going to have facial hair, rock a beard for winter commutes.  (Truth)

Colored Deep-V rims / Aerospok - (Example) - Whenever a bicycle part offers no mechanical advantage and are for appearances only, I become suspicious. (Truth)

Fixed Gear - (Example) - There are a few people that ride their fixed gear every day, but most likely, they only picked up the hobby a few years ago when the "fixie" scene started to blow up.  It might be hip, bu riding without brakes just isn't intelligent. (Truth)

Bike Racks - (Example) - If you think you see an imposter,  after they do their shopping and unlock their bicycle from in front of the coffee shop, grocery store or bar, follow them for a bit, most likely they will ride a round a bit, then circle back to their car and load their bike on the back to drive home. (Truth)

I'm all for having style, but create your own look, you look like sheep...just ride your damn bike.

10 comments:

  1. I can't believe you would dis anyone that chose a bike over motorized transport. I'm a bit surprised by the contempt in this post, my friend.

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  2. I think the post is to show people who are pretending to ride their bikes which is insulting to those who ride to get around. On one hand, you want to promote anyone showing off his/her bike. One the other hand, if they aren't really riding then they're not promoting biking.

    I found this piece more comical than controversial.

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  3. Smoke some marijuana, relax, get the munchies, giggle a little bit. So serious Keelin.

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  4. Keelin, I also noticed that you did not click on any of the "examples" and "truths", I think this will help you find the not so serious side of this post.

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  5. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  6. So stupid anyone would get insulted cause someone is different and cause they are not die hard riders this post is stupid

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  7. Let people do what they fucking want and stop being so judgemental. It appears this post and many of the commenta on this site that this is just a place people gather to talk negatively about others and cause unnecessary division and anomosity toward others just trying to have some fun, help out and.... ride bikes.

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  8. I apologize that my attempt at humor is not received the same by "anonymous" commenters. This is suppose to be a light-hearted and funny post. Sometimes stereotyping is used for humor. Is Portlandia not funny? It's poking fun at stereotypes, that's all. Yes criticize me for not being funny, but not for being judgmental or negative.
    Rather, calling an internet post "stupid" and telling someone to "let people do what they fucking want" seems a bit more on the negative side. If people are that insecure about themselves, I'd recommend staying away from the internet. This isn't Time magazine or the NY Times, it's a personal blog. Please relax, have fun, and read on.

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  9. Is this a joke?

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  10. I LOVE this post! this is so SO SO True! it cracks me up actually, and its even funnier that so many ppl are getting mad at it. If you look around Pueblo, this is 100% correct. I have been riding for years and some moron with a hipster beard and glasses came up to me and said "gears huh?, and brakes too?" he started laughing and said "gears are for queers and brakes are for fakes"......hilarious right. I have a beautiful stock KHS flite 100 fixie that I have a front brake on because im not a MORON and hope to stop my bike with my foot or ruin my kevlar bike tires because I want to look cool and skid stop. I also have a Univega Specialissma, Centurion Omega, Centurion Accordo, and a Gary Fisher Marlin. Oh but I ride southpaw, ha people hate that too. Great post my friend. Great post.

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